shatter me

jem | 17 | violist | english major

kks-locker:

Don’t assume that my rants, thoughts and posts are about only her. They’re about you too.

The friends that I left to join you, are being much more friendly, welcoming and compassionate than you.

(via justalljunks)

13 09/14
"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."
12 09/14
fuckyeahscotthoying:

WOOOOOHOOOOO

fuckyeahscotthoying:

WOOOOOHOOOOO

12 09/14

When I joined the Cheer Squad, I was very happy. I learned how to dance, I made friends. I do things that not an ordinary girl can do. Before that, I was devastated and heartbroken, the squad game me hope. You never knew about that.

After a couple of months, you told me to quit. Three times actually. I cried and beg to you that I want to stay and perform. I told you I would do everything if you would just give me a chance and let me stay the squad. I want you to be proud of me, because I felt like I’m always a huge disappointment for everyone, and that I was never good enough. I was suicidal at that time, and was facing a lot of emotional problems, and you, not allowing me to do the thing that I want put the icing on the top of that cake. I was crying for days and praying every night, hoping that things would get better. You never knew about that.

I told you to watch me perform, which you did. I thought you were happy about it, and that you are accepting me joining it. That is what I thought. After the competition, you told me that I can never perform or dance again. You told me that the squad does not benefit me at all. I cried for months. I had breakdowns, panic attacks, I was depressed. There is this time at school that I would just burst into tears and cry. You never knew about that.

During the squad retreat last Christmas, the coach announced that I will be the co-captain of the squad. I was really happy. I told you the good news at the moment I got home. But instead of congratulating, me, you were angry. You started yelling hurtful things, and ordered me to never join the squad again. I spent the Christmas week at bed, crying and asking myself if I should leave the squad. You never knew about that.

I’ve reached to the point where I became tired of convincing and begging you, so I did the thing that you wanted. I gave them up for you, hoping that it would make you happy. Did you know that I pushed myself so I can be a Dean’s Lister, so that I could win your approval? You never knew about that.

I saw them last time, rehearsing. Their routine was really good, and I think they would make it to the Championship. The coach was sad that I was not a part of it, and I wanted to join them so bad. It hurts a lot when you cannot do the things that you want. You never knew about that.

When I got home, you asked me why I was quiet and not in my usual self. I told you it was nothing because I was afraid that if I would bring up the squad topic, you would get mad at me again. You still ended up being angry at me, telling me that what I was doing was unfair, letting you guess what my problem is because I was not talking, and that if there is a person in this world who would understand me, it was you. I just shrugged off, never spoke anything. You never knew about that.

11 09/14
"I wondered how many people there were in the world who suffered, and continued to suffer, because they could not break out from their own web of shyness and reserve, and in their blindness and folly built up a great distorted wall in front of them that hid the truth."
11 09/14
fakinq-glory:

today was my last day in my creative writing class and my teacher gave everybody a piece of paper to write down a contract and to put it in our wallets. she said she did the same thing when she was younger and every now and then she’d brush by it and remember that she wanted to write. everybody took time to write out what they wanted and I just sat at the back of the class, sitting on the windowsill and I knew there was only one thing to write but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. at the end of the class after everybody left, I went to thank her for the year, and she told me that people should be reading my words for a long time, but they won’t be able to do that if I’m not around to write them. I showed her the blank piece of paper, and she said it was okay not to write anything, and then I wrote this. I learned the power of words in that class, I learned it was okay to vomit up half a dozen notebooks stained with blood and exploded pens because it means you have something to say.

fakinq-glory:

today was my last day in my creative writing class and my teacher gave everybody a piece of paper to write down a contract and to put it in our wallets. she said she did the same thing when she was younger and every now and then she’d brush by it and remember that she wanted to write. everybody took time to write out what they wanted and I just sat at the back of the class, sitting on the windowsill and I knew there was only one thing to write but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. at the end of the class after everybody left, I went to thank her for the year, and she told me that people should be reading my words for a long time, but they won’t be able to do that if I’m not around to write them. I showed her the blank piece of paper, and she said it was okay not to write anything, and then I wrote this. I learned the power of words in that class, I learned it was okay to vomit up half a dozen notebooks stained with blood and exploded pens because it means you have something to say.

(via allhellforabasement)

11 09/14
words-of-emotion:

More good vibes here
10 09/14
"

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, ‘The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

"
- Tonight I Can Write, Pablo Neruda (1924)

(Source: lebutterflysky)

09 09/14

The worst insult that a person can give is the word “ugly”. It stays right into you, affecting your self-esteem and disposition. It commonly comes out to people you know and love so much, which by the way doubles the hurt.

 

08 09/14
"Only the very weak-minded refuse to be influenced by literature and poetry."
- Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel (via kushandwizdom)

More good vibes here

(via words-of-emotion)

(via words-of-emotion)

08 09/14
"Your imperfections doesn’t make me love you less, it makes me love you more."
- xxii (via escafeism)

(via escafeism)

08 09/14
danicasthoughts:

baekebyan:
Find someone who can teach you how to dream again. Someone who can clear your obscured eyes, support you with your dreams and goals in life, uplift your spirit when you feel weak, hold your hand when you think that no one loves you and be your strength for you to overcome your water-loo. Someone who can visualize what will be the next years of his/her life with you and grow old with you.
Find someone who can teach you how to fall in love again. Someone who can reinvigorate the butterflies on your stomach and make them glide again. Someone who can fill your gray-scaled world with colors and make you appreciate every little things in life. Someone who can accept your flaws, childish acts and baby-talks. Someone who can pacify you until you become okay. Someone who can make you happy and contented. Someone who can give you a smile that you will wear for a lifetime. Someone who can comply his/her promises to you. Someone who can make your life more meaningful, mornings even brighter and nights even better. And someone who can love you unconditionally and can submit his/her life to you.
Find someone who can be with you and never let go of your hand. Someone who can fight for you until the end, be with you through thick and thin, good and bad times. Someone who can be your light in your darkest night. Someone who can lean his/her shoulders for you to cry on. Someone who can hug you tight when you're afraid and be the source of your happiness. Someone who can protect you, care for you and do everything for you. Someone who can make you feel that you're the most significant being in his/her world.
Find someone who you can consider a best friend and a lover. Someone who can keep your deep dark secrets, ride on your weirdest trips and join you on your endless picture takings. Someone who you can talk and be with whenever you wanted to. Someone who you can share your favorite food with while watching your favorite movie. Someone who can stay with you until midnight talking about random things in life. Someone who can make your heart beat faster with those heart-melting stares and smiles. Someone who can make you feel younger and stop you from counting your years. Someone who can make you blush every time and make you feel important. Someone who can text and call you to remind you to eat. Someone who can text long sweet messages, serenade you every night until you fall asleep and wake you up with a phone call.
And most importantly, find someone who you can see yourself living and sharing the rest of your days, someone who you can forgive every time, someone who can have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ and make Him the center of your relationship.

danicasthoughts:

baekebyan:

Find someone who can teach you how to dream again. Someone who can clear your obscured eyes, support you with your dreams and goals in life, uplift your spirit when you feel weak, hold your hand when you think that no one loves you and be your strength for you to overcome your water-loo. Someone who can visualize what will be the next years of his/her life with you and grow old with you.

Find someone who can teach you how to fall in love again. Someone who can reinvigorate the butterflies on your stomach and make them glide again. Someone who can fill your gray-scaled world with colors and make you appreciate every little things in life. Someone who can accept your flaws, childish acts and baby-talks. Someone who can pacify you until you become okay. Someone who can make you happy and contented. Someone who can give you a smile that you will wear for a lifetime. Someone who can comply his/her promises to you. Someone who can make your life more meaningful, mornings even brighter and nights even better. And someone who can love you unconditionally and can submit his/her life to you.

Find someone who can be with you and never let go of your hand. Someone who can fight for you until the end, be with you through thick and thin, good and bad times. Someone who can be your light in your darkest night. Someone who can lean his/her shoulders for you to cry on. Someone who can hug you tight when you're afraid and be the source of your happiness. Someone who can protect you, care for you and do everything for you. Someone who can make you feel that you're the most significant being in his/her world.

Find someone who you can consider a best friend and a lover. Someone who can keep your deep dark secrets, ride on your weirdest trips and join you on your endless picture takings. Someone who you can talk and be with whenever you wanted to. Someone who you can share your favorite food with while watching your favorite movie. Someone who can stay with you until midnight talking about random things in life. Someone who can make your heart beat faster with those heart-melting stares and smiles. Someone who can make you feel younger and stop you from counting your years. Someone who can make you blush every time and make you feel important. Someone who can text and call you to remind you to eat. Someone who can text long sweet messages, serenade you every night until you fall asleep and wake you up with a phone call.

And most importantly, find someone who you can see yourself living and sharing the rest of your days, someone who you can forgive every time, someone who can have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ and make Him the center of your relationship.

(via justalljunks)

07 09/14

lady-dixon:

Nicki Minaj is actually one of my favorite people.

I watched like 5 minutes of American Idol, and this kid was….not so good. While everyone else was laughing at him, she comforted him, told him to come to the desk and held his hand as she told him that even though singing might not be his forte, he could do so much because he’s young and full of life. And has a lot of guts going on the show. Then she gave him a hug.

Seriously I don’t understand how people hate her????

(via kazhikins)

07 09/14
"Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
07 09/14
"Be gentle. Fill yourself up with love instead of hate. Fill yourself up with art, books, knowledge, experiences. Surround yourself with people who have nothing but love to give. These things are important. They will help you learn how to love."
- (via mkbarnett)

(Source: h-o-r-n-g-r-y, via justalljunks)

07 09/14